Who

A person who doesn’t know what the universe is, doesn’t know where they are. A person who doesn’t know their purpose in life doesn’t know who they are or what the universe is. A person who doesn’t know any of these things doesn’t know why they are here. So what to make of people who seek or avoid the praise of those who have no knowledge of where or who they are?

I don’t know who I am. I have been so selfish over the last few years, always thinking about myself, worrying about myself, thinking about how others might see me, thinking about how I hate myself. Yet with all that time spent on myself I still cannot answer such a basic, yet complex, question.

Who you are, that is not the same as who you want to be. How do you define who you are, do you judge yourself based on actions or on thoughts. Do you blame yourself for acting nice, yet thinking bad thoughts. How do you classify which attributes are you, or are they all you.

How does one break down this question. When a person admits that they are not who they want to be, what is the next step. Is it to work towards that never ending goal. Do you calculate who you want to be based on your own thoughts, or the thought that you will finally be whom others want or need you to be. Will you be living your life or someone elses.

Most of the time people fixate who they are based on their job title. We look down upon someone who would call themselves an admin clerk, and we praise those who call themselves engineers. When meeting someone for the first time, what is the casual question most ask. “What do you do.”. This is such a narrow way in which to summarize who a person is, yet we all do it and have our own biases.

I don’t know who I am, but I do know who I want to be. I want to be someone who is happy, someone who is kind, someone who is helpful and someone who is loved. I want to be someone who is not afraid to be themselves, someone who is not afraid to be judged, someone who is not afraid to be hurt. I want to be someone who is not afraid.

I like to think that I am a good person, yet I have done bad things. I like to think that I am smart, yet I have done stupid things. I like to think that I am someone who can be relied on, yet I have failed people.

I am afraid to be myself, I am afraid to be judged. I am afraid to be afraid. I am afraid to be.

I don’t know who I am, but I know who I want to be. I want to be someone who is not afraid. I want to be someone who is me.

I want to be me.