Somber

The weather is somber today. The air is thick again. The kind of air that sits on your chest like a stray cat. One you keep feeding, yet it still wont trust you.

Ever find comfort in this feeling. Heavy, like my body is made of glue. Every step not taken proving what I already know: Still the same helpless child. Testing how much hurt I can lick off a blade before it tastes like mine.

Body feels like it can’t move fast. Like I must go slow or I’d risk it all. Impulsively.

The day seems so quiet I need to drown it out with loud noise. Music so loud my teeth ache. So loud they rattle.

Sunlight is kinda a liar anyways. Makes you think all the rot is just dirt. That you can scrub it off. Peel back the wallpaper and pretend there’s no mold.

Good, though. The dark feels honest here. Almost like I’m home again within myself. Who knows. Maybe this is the real me and all the sunshine does is hide my shadow.