Panic

My mind has not been as dark as it is today, in a long time.

The shadows in my mind have deepened beyond recognition.

A reminder that it can always get worse.

Every bad thought, came racing into my mind. Every bad thought and deep insecurity. Every worry and fear. A pure panic. Every whispered “not enough”, every “they’ll find out”, every existential “what if” screams in unison.

This isn’t anxiety - it’s full-system revolt.

I know these waters. My survival instincts beg for anchors - substances to numb, screens to dissociate, risks to feel alive. But today I choose the terrifying stillness of not-drowning.

The mind becomes a Ouroboros of horror: “I’m dying” circles “I wish I were dying” devours “I deserve this” becomes “This is forever”. Every cell shrieks chemical warnings. You try to scream but even your voice cant outmatch the noise in your mind.

I can only observe. I can not dictate. I can not control.

“This too shall pass… this too shall pass…”

Waiting patiently for it to pass. Completely powerless.

You trust that somewhere in the collapsed mine of your nervous system, the faintest flicker persists. Not hope. Not courage. Simply animal stubbornness. Hands, raw and bleeding, still gripping an extinguished lamp.