Indecision

Decisions. They irritate me. Making a firm decision, feels empowering, yet others are immediately there to shut you down. Leaving you uncertain. Obviously it is easy to say “if your decision is swayed, then you were not firm”, yet it is not black and white. When those you trust go against you, it is only natural to question ones self again.

I feel agitated and frustrated. Trying to notice and process my emotions, instead of logically trying to define my situation. But trying to not solve a problem annoys me completely. Right now I am in a bad emotional state. Nothing dangerous, the old me would probably be very destructive right now. I try everything in my power to not return to that man.

I judge myself for letting these situations affect my emotions. This is unfair towards any party involved. I exasterbate my situations in my head, they are obviously not as bad as I make them out to be. Right now, this is purely a vent.

I am learning to accept that it’s okay to feel this way. It’s okay to be indecisive, to feel frustrated, and to question myself. It’s a part of the human experience. But I also know that I have the power to change my perspective, to take control of my emotions, and to make decisions that are best for me.

My emotions control me, yet I don’t know what control it has over me. Getting a better understanding of my emotions is a must at this stage in my life.

I’ll be okay. I am okay

Making decisions without the consideration of others, seems exceptionally selfish. But it is told that this is best for you. But what if you place no value in your life, and wish to dedicate it towards improving the lives of others. Then what. What do you do.

Such an unhealthy mindset, but I am exhausted of trying to change it.