Guilt

Why do I feel guilt?

Seriously, whenever I do something for myself, I feel a sense of guilt. Is it because I am not doing the right thing? I am not doing what I am supposed to?

The shame I feel, for doing something for myself, because I can, makes my stomach turn. Doing something that is not for my, or someone elses future benefit. It drives me insane. I cant enjoy it, I cant appreciate it, all I do is feel guilt and shame.

I don’t know where this comes from, or why I feel like this. But I do. And I hate it.

I am not doing anything wrong, I am not hurting anyone. I am not doing anything that is bad.

Why do I feel like this? Why do I feel guilt for doing something that I enjoy?

I don’t know. And I hate it. I want it to stop. I want to enjoy things, without feeling guilt.

I want to be able to enjoy things, without feeling like I am doing something wrong, without feeling like I am letting someone down, without feeling like I am not doing the right thing, without feeling like I am not doing what I am supposed to, without feeling like I am wasting my time, without feeling like I am wasting my life, without feeling like I am wasting my potential, without feeling like I am wasting my future.

I feel like I am not allowed to enjoy anything, ever, because I have to be doing something else. I have to be doing something productive, something that will benefit me in the future.

Why cant I enjoy the present? Why cant I enjoy the now? Why cant I enjoy the moment?

I cant do anything for myself, I cant do anything for the present, I cant do anything for now, I cant do anything for today, I cant do anything for the moment, I cant do anything for my current self.

I want to be able to enjoy things without constantly feeling the weight of expectations on my shoulders. I want to find a balance between productivity and self-care, recognizing that taking care of myself is not a selfish act but a necessary one. It’s about nurturing my mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

I want to be able to enjoy the present. I want to savor the now, without constantly being consumed by thoughts of what I should be doing or what I should have accomplished. I want to give myself permission to revel in the simple pleasures of life, to indulge in activities that bring me joy, and to appreciate the moments that make up my existence.